Saturday night’s alright for…

What do you do?  You don’t have a date, and it’s Saturday night.  Do you stay in and watch a movie, go grab some friends and make a fun night, go hit some bars and look for your next love? 

Some would say if you’re looking for love, you need to get out there.  And I agree to some extent – but Saturday is such a party night that if you’re in a bar, you’re most likely to find the next one night stand, right?  But we’re also told that to be attractive to the opposite sex, we need to be comfortable being alone!  Also true, no doubt.  So is there any shame in staying in on Saturday night if we just want to relax a bit?  I think not.  As long as you don’t become a hermit, it can be relaxing to just enjoy your own company, watch a movie, have a little wine and unwind.  And as a bonus, you wake up refreshed on Sunday (hint: use that opportunity to get out on Sunday and go for a walk in a park)! 

What’s your typical Saturday night like?

How important is the first date location?

Pretty darn important – if you’re dealing with nerves (and who isn’t?)!  That first date location…a lot goes into getting it right.  You want someplace that makes your date feel comfortable, a place where you feel comfortable (so you look suave/worldly), and since it’s usually a good idea to have some exit strategy, a firm ending time.  It should be closer to your date’s home than yours, if there is some distance involved. 

But how about the particulars?  Well, that’s where your comfort vs. what is wise must be weighed.  Do you prefer a loud restaurant or bar, where you can have a good time?  This might be a great option if you like to laugh, loudly, and a lot.  A bowling alley or billiard hall?  A fun, relaxed atmosphere with a fairly clear ending option – get a couple games in, wrap things up.  Or a nice wine bar, where you can tuck away in the corner and have a quiet get-to-know-you chat. 

Me, I like comedy clubs.  I’m a big laugher, and everybody enjoys a good time.  I’ve been told not to do this, because if you’re listening to a comic you’re not talking and getting to know each other.  This is a really valid point, but I like to meet an hour or so before the show so we can have a couple drinks, chat, and then enjoy the show – the show is a nice interlude where you can think about the conversation you’ve had, let it sink in a bit, and decide if you’d like to continue your chat afterwards.  (Tricky, eh?)  It may not be the best plan, but it works for me. 

What’s your ideal first date spot?  Wine bar? Bowling alley? Comedy club?  Dive bar (I had a really good first date at a dive bar in Vegas – never discount the dive bar)?  Leave your thoughts in the comments!  If we get a consensus going, maybe I’ll set up a group gathering at a first date spot and we can all get a feel for it together! 

Is dating advice really useful?

UPDATE: Sorry guys, this was supposed to be more of an open-ended question. I have a declarative writing style – I post my opinions, hit “Post”, then stomp off in a literary huff and wait for replies.  So consider this a question:  Do YOU think dating advice is useful?  What has been most helpful for you?  How do you take it in and make use of it? 

And don’t let me get away with this stuff!  Jeez, you guys…

See?  Right out of the gate I’m hassling those advice-givers!  Here’s the genesis of this question…like everyone else meandering the halls of singledom, I from time to time succumb and check out the various advice sites (and I’m not afraid to admit I’ve bought a book or two).  With my time on Twitter, I’ve even become friends with some of the folks who write this stuff, and while I think they’re great people and often have good things to say, sometimes it’s just…well, it’s just nonsense. 

Let’s back up a bit. When I first became single, my friends all took me under their wing and tried to get my dating legs under me.  After a few months of intensive attention, I found I was even more awkward and unsure of myself than before!  Why did this happen?  Well, they all had different advice, is one reason why.  It was confusing.  And while the specifics were different, it all boiled down to this: Be yourself. Be confident. But stop doing and saying all those things that make you, you.  Say this, not that.  But don’t think about it.  Pretty soon I couldn’t remember how to introduce myself to strangers!  I finally had to give them all the boot, thank them for their efforts, and just cull through all that advice on my own, picking the stuff that really worked for me and fit my unique personality.

Dating advice, whether in books or online, is the same.  The intentions are obviously good, but it’s very general, and it’s always flavored with the author’s experiences and personality.  What works for me may not work for you, nes pa?  At times I read this advice and think – I don’t want to be the person they’re describing here.  And I wouldn’t want to date anyone who wanted me to be! 

So in general, I lean towards the assumption that most dating advice is not useful.  Now, there are always exceptions here – there are obviously those for whom social interaction is so foreign that they genuinely might not know about holding doors open or paying for dinner…but I’d say these folks are in the minority, and really have bigger battles to fight before they get to dating.

Which leads to my dating advice (I know, I know).  Take all dating advice with a grain of salt.  Read it, enjoy the stories, and see what fits your unique self.  What can you incorporate?  Do you lack confidence?  Do you need inspirational examples of others overcoming their shyness?  Then glom onto those bits of advice.  There are always useful nuggets, but the most important advice ever is this: To thine own self be true.  You can’t abandon who you are in an effort to be what someone else thinks you should be.  What sort of love will you find that way?  So think of dating advice as an opportunity to find your strengths and weaknesses and simply tweak them.  And then get out there and find someone who fits you.

Welcome to Dating in the Northwest!

And the fun begins!  Okay, if you’re reading this, you’re probably single, and like me, you’re trying to either find a way to change that, or at least have fun with it.  That’s how I got here!  I’ve been single for a bit more than a year, and I’ve tried all the usual suspects – Match.com, PlentyofFish.com, Nerve…all the good online stuff.  The twist that makes modern dating different from ye olden days is social media.  I’m on Facebook like half the damn world, and on Twitter, too.  Tough to meet singles on Facebook, of course (Zoosk…looking at you…you’re no help!), but I found plenty of singles on Twitter.  Unfortunately, they were all in LA or New York.  Watching them collaborate, share notes, go out for wine, I wanted to join them!  These are my good friends, and they have a blast together!  But you know…geographically not an option. 

So I looked for something similar in Seattle – just any old group of singles.  Not necessarily a dating site, but just…other single people.  I limited myself to Twitter at first, but, frustrated, started searching Yahoo, Meetup, all the good social sites.  I found groups, but they seemed moribund.  So I decided to build my own and make it happen.  And here we are!  My first instinct was to make it a Twitter group (hence the name nw140singles), but what the hell, right?  Let’s include anybody who wants to meet! 

So, this website isn’t intended to serve as a dating site or an advice site (if I knew what the hell I’m doing, I wouldn’t be single!), although if it’s successful, advice and dating will naturally be a part of it – I mean, you can’t get a group together without something happening!  It’s just an attempt to give singles, dating folks, and those just looking a place to mingle and meet each other.  Get to know each other, compare notes, go out for beers as a group, and just generally enjoy the process with some new friends.  You know – commiserate after bad dates, laugh at really bad dates, and share the joy when somebody lands the one.  And that’s where you, my new friends, come in.  Leave a comment, follow me on Twitter, find me on Facebook (um…when I get that page built), and let’s just meet!